I went to Cars Land and all I got was this stupid lice infestation

I bet you thought I didn’t make it out of Disneyland alive.

Well, I did. Not only did we make it out alive, we brought home a few extra friends in the form of a lice infestation! (I’m assuming they came from Disneyland because when I looked at them under a magnifying glass I noticed they were wearing teeny tiny mouse ears with their names embroidered on the back.)
My niece was the only one officially infested. KNOCK ON WOOD. To be fair, they may have come from the airplane, or the school bus, or the homeless man that babysits on occasion. We don’t know where she picked it up. To my horror I learned way too much about lice whilst frantically researching it on the internets and did you know that you can have lice for MONTHS and not even know it?!


I’m going to say something now that may shock you, Internet. I’m kind of glad this happened.

I know. Insane, right?

But seriously, I am glad this happened because it allowed me to face my fear and realize that kids getting lice is really no big deal. It’s a mild pain in the ass, but no goats had to be sacrificed.




Aside from the blood sucking parasites my parents’ visit was a delight. Mostly. Karis followed Gloria around like a shadow learning things that only a nine year old can teach – The way to say “duh” with just the right amount of attitude, what “sexing” is (for those of you who are curious, “sexing” is when a boy and a girl are naked in a bed and kissing. Yes, I am horrified that my six year old is already learning these kinds of things from reliable sources like older kids.) and how to apply eye-shadow so as to look like a french whore. A classy french whore – so it’s okay.

Even though I was technically hosting, my dad did most of the cooking. This is because he is an amazing cook, and I am an amazingly awful cook. Also, I like to make things like vegan stew and meatless meatballs. My dad doesn’t consider it a food group if it doesn’t come wrapped in bacon.

I enjoyed having my family visit, but I have recently started to wonder if they would like me if I wasn’t their daughter. Between politics, our views on homo-sexuals, religion and vegetarianism we have very little in common. My dad teases me about my lifestyle, and it’s all in good fun, but I can’t help but wonder if he’s secretly asking himself “Where did I go wrong with that one?”


You didn’t go wrong with me Dad. You raised a person who is confident and stands up for what she believes in – even if it means disagreeing with her father. (A father that is admittedly smart – even if he does eat bacon.)

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  1. Dad

    I know that I didn’t go wrong with you. What fun would life be if you agreed with me on everything. I respect you for standing up for what you believe in even if it is the most misguided load of crap on the planet.

    I like your blog but you left out the part about Brecken screaming for me to wipe his butt! I hope he’s not scarred for life by me refusing to do it. Damn Democrats expect you to do everything for them.

    I’m off to eat an organic bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich.



    Kristy Reply:

    Hey Dad – remember when you said I was overreacting and that I was being melodramatic concerning the lice? Remember how you rubbed heads with the host to prove you weren’t scared of infestation?

    How do you like the smell of that lice shampoo? Did it leave your locks shiny?

    (Sorry. I couldn’t resist!)


  2. tarabitesback

    I don’t know what’s more awesome, your dad commenting on your blog or your lice-wearing-mouse-ears photoshop job. I really love that you took the time to do that, because I do the same and then I am filled with shame at how I am wasting my life.

    But seriously there are like 80 things more preferable than a lice infestation. I say this as someone who has suffered through MANY with my children. I mean, if you even count the school notices alone that go home, there are at least three I’d prefer to have over lice. Pink eye exposure for example. Also, that virus that gives you the pink mottled cheeks. The plague. Uh, let’s see, asbestos exposure, rabid squirrel bite, the list goes on. Aaaand…now my head is itching.


    Kristy Reply:

    Oh Tara, I could have cured cancer by now if I had just focused my efforts on that task instead of goofing off with Photoshop or making absurd craft projects. I know you feel me – I think of you every time a Barbie gets a new water balloon bikini.


  3. Amy Cappelli

    Oh man do I feel your itchy crawly head licey pain. We’ve gone through it 3 times here. The first time was when First Born Son was in 5th grade. It was the last week of school. I shaved his head (his infestation was that bad). So gross. The 2nd and 3rd time Princess Commando was the carrier. I have a picture from Christmas (the 2nd time) with my mom, PC, me and Henry with our heads pressed together. We all got lice then. For me, I discovered them on the night before I was to start a long term substitute teaching position. I spent that whole first day in class worrying that I was going to have to go home and shave my head. The best treatment was olive oil and tee tree oil. I am itching like crazy just thinking about it.


    Kristy Reply:

    I think the married Hasidic women are on to something with this one. We should just shave our heads and wear wigs until the kids are out of their school age, lice sharing years.

    I can just see you sitting at your desk that first day on the job, trying not to itch!


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