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Not the rabbit I had in mind

easter rabbit?

Easter Rabbit

The past week and a half has been a whirlwind. We have had non stop visitors and adventures. I still owe you guys a post about Disneyland, and I promise that it is on it’s way, but today, Easter Sunday, I feel moved to share with you a rabbit tail tale.

I feel this is best shared via phone transcripts and conversation recaps. You’ll understand why.

PHONE CALL :

Me: Hello?

Girlfriend: Hi, Kristy…

Me: I was just thinking about you! It was so good to see you . We’ll have to do it again. This time let’s not wait four years.

GF: Yeah, it was really great. Um… I’m actually calling for a reason…

Me: Uh huh?

GF: Umm… this is kind of mortifying… When I was at your house… I, uh, may have left my private time friend somewhere.

::crickets::

::awkward silence crickets::

Me: ‘Private time friend’? Um, you mean a…

GF: Yeah.

Me: Oh. Okay. Um, you’re sure?

GF: Not positive. I mean, I didn’t use it or anything. I just know I had it in my bag, and I just unpacked everything and it’s not there. I felt compelled to warn you because I wouldn’t want the kids stumbling across it…

Me: Okay. Uh…Thanks? I’ll keep a look out for it. If I find it…do you want me to mail it to you or something?

::Nervous laughter::

GF: No! Of course not. Like I said, I just wanted to give you a heads up.

Me: Alright, I’ll let ya know if it turns up.

CLICK

This phone call was followed by me running upstairs and frantically inspecting the guest room. My guest room gets a lot of use (apparently even more use than I was previously aware of! *buh dum chinnn* that’s my comedy sound effect in written form. Feel free to use it.). At the time of this phone call, my sister and her four year old son were staying over for the week.

CONVERSATION 1:

Sister: What are you doing?

Me: Uh. You haven’t come across any uh… adult toys, have you?

Sister: Like a vibrator? Where? In here? Are you missing one?

She started to laugh at me as if I had misplaced it.

Me: *indignant* No, not me. My girlfriend seems to have misplaced it… So you haven’t then?

Sister: Of course not. If I found something like that in here I would feel obligated to tell you with a jaunty interpretive dance, or perhaps by placing it on your dinner plate.

Me: Yeah. That sounds like something you would do. Ok, well, just so you know, there may or may not be a vibrator wandering around in here. If you find one, do NOT put it on my plate, just kindly let me know so I can return it to its proper owner.

Sister: Riiight. Your girlfriend.

Me: Oh, shut up.

My sister left the next day, never having found the renegade rabbit. My sister-in-law was scheduled to arrive the following day for Easter, and then our resident house guest would be returning on Monday. (Did I mention we have a temporary house guest? We do. He is a delightful young man that is staying with us for a few weeks.)

Naturally if anyone finds a rabbit in my house, it will be assumed to be mine. I can handle a lot of embarrassing situations, but taking the fall for someone else’s sex toy is not on my list of things I’d like to do. I searched the room again, still to no avail. My sister-in-law arrived and I felt it prudent to warn her of her possible roommate.

CONVERSATION 2:

Me: So, here’s where you’ll be sleeping. There are extra pillows in the closet, the sheets are fresh. Oh, and there may or may not be a masturbatory device somewhere in here.

Sister-in-law: What?

Me: I said the sheets are fresh.

SIL: Yeah, I heard that part. What was that about masturbation?

Me: There is a missing vibrator on the loose. A Rabbit. It was last seen in this room. If you happen upon it, don’t try to approach it, just kindly alert the authorities so that it may be captured and re-released back in to the wild.

The fact that my sister-in-law just seemed to take all of that information in and not question it says a lot about how people view me, doesn’t it.

So here we are, Easter morning, and the only rabbits we’ve seen around the house are of the chocolate variety.

I wish I could say my girlfriend  called to let me know it was a false alarm. That little fluffy had been found alive and well. Alas, the rabbit remains a ghostly figure on the back of our rice milk carton. He is hippity hoppity haunting me. You know that sucker is going to turn up at the most inopportune time. Probably wearing a barbie dress or something during a play-date with the treasurer of the PTA.

I’ll be sure to let you guys know when it happens.

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2 Comments

  1. Claudia

    I’m sending my mom over to your house stat. If there is anything embarrassing in your house, she will find it. It’s actually pretty helpful. Where my condoms at? Yup. There they are, mom. Thanks. See?

    So…you have a guest room, huh? Suwheeeeet. I’m telling you, eff Saint Pabu, I’m heading to Kristy’s guest room. My new dream destination! (Rabbit free, though. For reals. :/)

    [Reply]

  2. Wupppy

    whahahaha, tears running down my face. this is hilarious! GAWD my life is boring :P…..

    [Reply]

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