I’ve had contractors in and out of my house for the past…oh, it seems like FOREVER.

Well, today marks the almost last day of work they will be doing. I say “almost last day” because they will be back. I may start charging them rent.

Pro tip: Here’s a quick equation to help you figure out how long a construction job will actually last.

X(∞/2) =

Where “X” equals the number of days the contractor said it would take.

One of the jobs I asked the handyman to do was re-hang a set of blinds in my bedroom. The blinds have been down for several months, and though I am usually very good at keeping track of these things, I couldn’t seem to find the hardware.

I am very much like a squirrel in that I like to tuck things away in my dresser drawer for safe keeping. As the handyman was out fetching his drill from his truck, it dawned on me that perhaps I put the hardware in my drawer. I opened my drawer and shuffled through the little odds and ends I’ve nestled between my underwear. I found one of the 6 missing pieces. I shuffled through the drawer again in confusion. If ONE was in there, they should ALL be in there. There is method to my madness, and I never would have separated the hardware pieces.

I could hear the handyman coming back up the stairs. I frantically tried to stuff my underwear back into the drawer before he reached the doorway. Like every other woman on the planet, my underwear fits into two categories; “Work” and “Play”.

My “play” underwear consists of the flirty, sexy, silky little numbers that the boys find so appealing. My “work” underwear is a bit more utilitarian. They are 100% cotton fortresses. They are sturdy. If I’m being completely honest with you, some of them have seen the Clinton administration, and they are decidedly not sexy.

Naturally I didn’t want the handyman to witness me scrabbling through my ratty panties. Hell, I didn’t want him seeing my fancy panties either! My pants, my business. I just made it! I slammed the drawer closed just as the handyman came through the door. I was quite pleased with my stealth maneuvering… until Karis called attention to herself from behind my dresser.

“Hey mom, look at my hat!”

Yes, you guessed it. She had donned a pair of my underpants.

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