Tonight Jesse brought home some swag from the many advertising agencies vying for his business. The kids were very excited at the boxes and ribbons. A box of cookies was knocked over in all the commotion.

After dinner, as Jesse took the kids upstairs for a bath, I surveyed the mess of opened boxes and scattered treats. I bent to retrieve the package of cookies and read the label:

Platine

Gourmet cookies baked in Los Angeles, CA

Immediately my eyes filled  with hot tears. I stared hard at the chocolate macadamia nut cookies, and imagined the hands of the person that had packed them into their unassuming little bag. They were most likely the hands of an aspiring actor, that works at Platine Bakery part time to pay his bills between acting gigs.

This year will be my fifth consecutive Christmas away from my family. I don’t usually let the holidays get me down, but this year all of my cousins and their kids will be celebrating at our family ranch in the Sierra Nevada’s. It will be one of the first times they’ve all been together since my grandmother passed away almost eleven years ago.

My heart breaks a little every time I think about the relationships my children are being denied by our living on the east coast. I have over 20 cousins on my mom’s side alone. While I wasn’t close with all of them, I was very close with a few of them. My Aunt and her daughters even lived with us for a while when I was Karis’s age. (Hi Lisa & Lainie!)

The fact that we all have kids around the same age now, makes me yearn to be back home that much more. Karis and Brecken are the first, and so far only, grandchildren on Jesse’s side. They are lavished with attention and love, and doted upon by everyone. (Believe me, you wont hear THEM complaining!) They know they are Merrill Royalty.

We are fortunate that Jesse’s cousin, the beautiful Jennie, has two delightful kids to play with, but other than that, it’s slim pickin’s in the playmate department over here.

*Sigh* Who am I kidding? Even if Jesse’s sisters had 10 kids each, I would still want to be back home in California! I love to travel, and even fantasize about living abroad for a while, but I’m a California girl at heart.

Good God, listen to me, rambling on like a homesick pup. This post has been brought to you by a hormonal moment. I will now go and watch Lifetime and eat those aforementioned cookies.

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