Many of you  – and by “many” I mean “one” – ask what a transitioning vegan eats when she goes out to a bar or greasy spoon restaurant. The answer is DEEP FRIED ONIONS!!!

As proof, here is me stuffing my face with all that greasy goodness. Yes, those years of finishing school paid off. I stuff my face like a lady.

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Yours truly was featured on mom life today! Check it out here, and leave some comment love.

For those of you not familiar with mom life, it’s a web show hosted by two moms that live in LA. They host experts on each webisode, and talk about things like relationships, health & wellness, family time, how not to lose your identity when you become a parent… They can be a great resource for moms – and dads too.

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We celebrated Brecken’s 2nd birthday this weekend. Due to an outlandish number of broken bones in our family (seriously – is this the new go-to excuse?) we kept the head count small. Mugga, Vanessa and Andrew came down. Uncle John had his hip replaced, and Aunt Angela threw herself down a steep flight of stairs, shattered her wrist, and possibly blacked out for a bit, before ending up in the hospital. (The lengths that woman will go to to avoid a party!) So they missed out on all the fun. As did their daughter Jennie. She didn’t break anything (this time) but she was legally obligated to take care of her parents. I don’t blame her – they’re technically cyborgs now, so you’re gonna want to do as they say.

What? That’s not enough broken bones for you? Fine. My mom also called to let me know that she fell down while walking her dog, and broke her wrist.

I haven’t been a ray of sunshine lately. I’ll spare you the details. Suffice it to say that the inner workings of my mind have resembled a Steinbeck novel on a loop. In my fantasy house, I have amazing guest quarters, and can play a perfect hostess to any number of guests. In my actual house, I have zero guest quarters to match my zero patience for serving as a hostess. Allow me to take this time to publicly apologize to my house guests for being a level nine bitch during your brief stay. I would also like to take this time to pat myself on the back for not committing homicide. Homicide is never the answer. Plus, I would never be able to get blood out of the new carpet. Such a hassle!

By now we should all be familiar with my obsession with traditions. I don’t expect much from a birthday party, but by God I will make the cake, and get a picture of the birthday child wearing their custom party hat. Unfortunately, the whole party hat thing tends to be hit or miss. Last year he LOVED wearing that stupid hat. This year? Not so much.

The cake was a success. I even got a picture of it this year! Brecken lit up when he saw it. He said, “Car! Car! Vroom!” Over and over again. Based on his current interests, he will grow up to be a car salesman, a mechanic, or a Formula 1 racer. Aim High, Brecks. Aim high!

The car cake…

…complete with vanity plates.

I’ll try to post a little video snippet of the candle blowing. It was a cute moment. For those of you wondering who the random kids are in the background, no, you’re not seeing double, they are identical twins. They are our neighbors, and they’ve taken to inviting Karis over for extended play dates, and showing up at our house, unannounced, and saying, “Sorry we’re late!”

They are two of the most polite little girls I have ever met. What’s a polite way to say, “Please stop inviting my daughter over to your house at inconvenient times because the screaming fits are soooooooooo not charming.”? Jesse and I are anti-social hermits. While we appreciate the need to socialize our children, we do NOT like being forced to socialize. I need to figure out a delicate way to put the kibosh on the constant play date demands. I feel like an ass-hole every time I have to say, “No you may not take my daughter to the fountain with your family, as I’m sure you’re nice and all, but I don’t actually KNOW you.”

We have these awesome neighbors that have a daughter in the same class as Karis. The girls are very close friends. Every time either family walks by the others house, the girls will demand to have a play date. We parents have a system down now. If our front door is open, come on in for a play session. If the door is closed, we are probably performing ritual sacrifices in our basements, so let’s take a rain check on that play session. It works pretty great. How can I get my immediate neighbors to respect our ritual sacrificing time? Oh, the dilemmas of being a heathen hermit.

So, we all survived Brecken’s 2nd birthday party. Barely.

Oh, and for you sick-os that were only interested in the insect sex part, here you go:

Mosquito eaters making sweet love by the screen door. I think this is even better luck than rain on your wedding day!

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Yesterday was Father’s Day. It was also Brecken’s second birthday.

I have been getting really sentimental the past few days about Brecken’s birth. I don’t remember feeling this way around Karis’s second birthday, but that’s probably because I was bursting at the seams with an unborn Brecken.

A few days ago I stumbled upon footage from my Flip that was taken during Brecken’s labor and delivery. It’s really quite boring for anyone that wasn’t directly involved, but I may get motivated enough to make a little montage out of the clips. It’s bittersweet for me to watch it.

Little Karis is just 2 years old. Her voice is that of a cartoon chipmunk. I am swollen and lumbering. Little Brecken had difficulty breathing at first, so they took him away for a few hours. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my mom filmed them telling me they were taking him away. Both of my babies were born very fast, and both of them had their cords wrapped twice around their necks, and both of them had difficulty breathing at first. If I have a third baby, I wonder if their cord will be wrapped around their neck.

Watching that footage makes me realize how much Karis has grown. When she was 2 she still had those delicious toddler thighs, and ruby, chubby cheeks. I miss her toddler body. I have been soaking up the cherubic beauty of little Brecken’s toddler body – when he lets me. He still has that milky, silky skin. He is still rounded and soft everywhere. His hair is curly and sloppy, and falls just so over his furrowed brow.

Happy birthday to my sweet, gentle boy. Mama loves you so very much.

After re-watching Brecken’s birth footage, I’ve decided to keep it private. You know I love you, Internet, but a lady must maintain an air of mystery surrounding her lady parts. That was the first lesson I learned in finishing school! I will however, share with you Karis meeting Brecken. It’s quite adorable, and I dare you not to ovulate at the cuteness.

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…remind me again how this man became governor.



I’ve been considering running for public office once my kids are grown. I guess I should start working on a sex tape now. It is always better to be prepared!

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Babes in Toyland. That was one serious bonnet. That sucker weighed over 5 pounds. (I left the red vampire eyes on me and the Queen of Hearts because vampires are so “in” right now. Ok, because I’m lazy.)

I am a thespian. A theater nerd. It’s in my blood, and much like hepatitis or HIV, there is no cure for it. You just have to live with it. Even now, I catch myself itching to spell “theater” t-h-e-a-t-r-e. With proper treatment, those of us with theater in our blood can expect to live relatively normal lives. That is, of course, if we can manage to avoid travesties of the stage.

Karis had her first dance recital on Sunday. I should have known it would cause a nasty theater-lust flare up. All the signs were there: At the dress rehearsal on Tuesday I caught myself tearing up while watching the little tutu clad girls stumble around on stage. Tearing up – and my kid wasn’t even out there yet!

I was remembering my days as a theater tech, running the light board in high school. My days as a stage manager. My days performing with my college drama department and local city theater companies. I’m not saying the shows I was involved with were Tony worthy or anything, but they instilled in me a great snobbery, and appreciation for a show well done. Karis’s show? Not well done. It was actually painful to watch.

It wasn’t the dancers! The little dancers were a delight. They were cute, and excited, and everything else you would expect of little girls at a ballet recital. The fault lay with the overall production quality. Oh my God, somebody stop me – here comes a review of a no budget, YMCA child ballet performance. This can’t end well.

Ok. I’m not going to give in to the torrent of things I want to say, as if writing a review for the entertainment section of my local free paper. What I will allow myself to say, is that the costumes were disappointing at best. COME ON! It was Alice in freakin’ WONDERLAND. Would it kill you to have a little color in your costumes? Tweetle Dee and Tweetle Dum were in black and white prison garb for God sakes.

For the last two days I have caught myself mentally sketching costume ideas for my own production of Alice in Wonderland. Too bad you guys can’t see it. It’s a feast for the eyes. Colors, sparkle, fun… I’ve even designed a back drop or two, instead of the plain cyc screen we were subjected to.

More Babes in Toyland – note the SPARKLES and RUFFLES even though we were wearing white.

Maybe this is my calling. Maybe I am destined to be a theater teacher. One of those obsessive types that demands perfection from her cast and crew as if their very lives depended upon it. I used to pity those types. Oh, hark, looking glass, thou cruel mistress.

Here is a video of my darling little fairy in her dancing debut. I took the liberty of shortening it (you’re welcome) so you can’t see that she was actually more mentally present than the SIX year olds, but she does have an unfair advantage – she’s related to me. Just kidding. Well, she is related to me, but that only serves to limit her athleticism. She did well because her daddy practiced with her every night before bed time. I would include the most adorable video footage of that EVER, but my husband would kill me in my sleep. Rest assured it is damn cute footage.

The actual dancing doesn’t start until 1:40, and after she finishes, if you wait a second, you can see a dark silhouette of Brecken eating bunny crackers off the theater floor. It kept him relatively quiet, and strengthened his immune system. I finally cut the footage on Karis yawning. That sums it up perfectly.

I’ll leave you with one last photo. No, not a picture of Karis in her fairy costume – I haven’t uploaded them yet. I’m leaving you with a picture of ME  from MY first dance recital, because we wouldn’t want this post to actually focus on my sweet little girl and the amazing job she did, now would we.

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I’ve been playing with split screen tricks lately. When Karis saw the result, she begged to make a movie of her own.

Her dialogue is a bit muffled. She is saying:

Hey, Karis, you want to play with me?

I’m too busy.

Fine!

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www.nrdc.org/gulfspill

On June 10th, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid will reportedly convene the Democratic Senate Leadership and key Committee Chairs to discuss whether they will proceed with a comprehensive climate and energy bill or whether they’ll take up a watered down energy bill that fails to address the climate crisis or end our over-dependence on oil and other fossil fuels.

Also on June 10th, even as the BP Blowout devastates the Gulf Coast, the Senate is scheduled to vote on a reckless measure introduced by Sen. Lisa Murkowski to strip the EPA of its authority to regulate carbon pollution and hold polluters accountable. Only in Washington would you schedule a vote to let polluters off the hook during the most catastrophic single-event environmental disaster in America’s history. You can’t make this stuff up.

On or around June 15th, Sen. Reid will confer with all 59 Senate Democrats to decide on a course of action for energy legislation. Unwavering caucus support could provide momentum for a strong climate and energy bill, which would set a declining cap on climate pollution and unleash our clean energy economy.

Finally, July 2nd is the unofficial deadline for Senate passage of the bill before the July 4th Congressional recess. After that, there may not be enough time in the Congressional schedule to reconcile a Senate bill with the House measure that passed last year.

“We will always remember 2010 as the year of America’s greatest single-event ecological catastrophe. What the Senate does on these 3 days will determine whether we will also remember 2010 as the year we squandered our last, best chance to solve the climate crisis and end our over-dependence on oil and other fossil fuels…

…Or whether we’ll remember 2010 as the year when America finally took charge of our clean energy future.” -David Yarnold
President, Environmental Defense Action Fund

To email your congressmen, click here.  To donate,  click here.

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I’ve smacked Karis on the butt maybe 4 times in her life. I’m not big into the spanking thing – but I do grab her arm and force her to look at me as a way of demanding her attention.

I was going through old video footage today, and stumbled upon a gem! We were vacationing in Maine when she got salt water in her eye. After much flailing and wailing, Jesse calmed her down and gave her some water on the porch.

I don’t know why he decided to film her, but I am so glad he did! You are about to witness one of Karis’s best dramatic scenes to date. Let me set it up for you:

Earlier in the day Karis had fought with her cousin, Sera, and I had scolded her. (verbally *not* physically.) Never one to miss an opportunity for sympathy from Daddy, Karis gave him a very different tale. I especially love the way she says, “smacked my butt!”. Enjoy.

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Brecken is lacking in the grace department. The boy has a good pitching arm, and can ride a tricycle like a pro, but walking more than a few steps without landing on his face eludes him.

He also has a very distinct run. He doesn’t bend his arms when he’s running. They flap rigidly at his sides as he hustles along. The effect is very Frankenstein’s adorable toddler monster.

I finally managed to catch the phenomenon known as Brecken running on tape! Now you too can enjoy my son’s unique way of forward propulsion.

By the Grace of Brecken from Theprimamomma on Vimeo.

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