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Indefensible Idiocy

In which I make an ass out of myself at every opportunity.

Killing the moment

ShareI volunteer in Brecken’s first grade class every Tuesday. One of the activities I do with the kids is write a word or sentence on the board and they use the letters available and make new words. This happened today:   Creepy kid with a speech impediment: “Modor” Me: “Motor? No, we would need another … Continue reading »

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A pee in the pod

ShareI went for a float today, Internet. For those of you unfamiliar with floating it’s where you enclose yourself in a sensory deprivation chamber and float suspended in saltwater in the pitch black darkness of a steel womb. Or something like that. I know what you’re thinking – how clean is the water? Well, before … Continue reading »

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MTV Cribs, baby style

ShareJesse: “What is this charge for three hundred and ninety-eight dollars?!” Me: “That’s for the new crib.” Jesse: “We never agreed to buy that crib!” Me: “Yes we did, remember? You said to get the ugly one, I said ‘gross’, and then your mom said to just get it because we can use it for … Continue reading »

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It’s only natural

ShareStanley: “How are we supposed to market this hot pink sugar powder to moms?” Jim: “Put ‘natural’ on it. It’s lemon-ade flavored. Lemons are natural.” Stanley: “Yeah, but it still seems pretty gross. There’s got to be something we can do to convince people this is good for them, so they don’t feel guilty about … Continue reading »

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LA Fitness; spin instructors in the classroom, and spin doctors behind the counter

ShareMy cousin and her kids are in So Cal for the summer and they did the obligatory trip to Disneyland. She asked if she could stay over at our place that night because she had to drop a friend off at the airport the following day. I agreed, and we made plans to turn it … Continue reading »

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Don’t lose your head

ShareIt was my day to do the carpool home from gymnastics camp. I was responsible for taking my daughter and two friends home. When we met up with the other moms this conversation happened: Me: “Just as a heads up, we were discussing Mary, Queen of Scots, beheadings, and children born out of wedlock on … Continue reading »

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Unjustifiable

Share Raise your hand if you know what Justice is. No, not the blindfolded chick with the scales; the clothing store for tweens. Karis has reached that age where she cares about clothes. Well, she’s always cared about clothes, but now she cares about what she looks like to her peers in addition to her … Continue reading »

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Bee wary

ShareI have become a bit of a basket-case lately. I have started obsessing about the dangers lurking everywhere. I’m like a broken record saying things like, “Wear your helmet. Hold my hand in the parking lot. Cross the street together. Don’t climb the wall…” I see posts on Facebook about children that have been killed … Continue reading »

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Siri, stop contributing to the delinquency of a minor!

ShareBrecken is obsessed with taboo words. His favorite of the bunch are butts, poop, penis, sexy and sex. He’s not quite sure what sex is, but he knows it is classified among the elite list of things he shouldn’t speak about within my hearing, and that makes the topic more appealing to him than opiates … Continue reading »

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Transcripts from the 2018 Olympics in Pyeongchang

ShareTranscripts from the 2018 Olympics in Pyeongchang Host: Welcome back to the 2018 Olympic coverage, coming to you from Pyeongchang! I’m here with first time gold medalist Kristy Phillips. Kristy, how does it feel to take the gold in skiing? Kristy: Pretty much like you would expect. I am proud, yet humble. I’m just so … Continue reading »

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